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Much has changed in the world since our last phone conversation – you were elected to a second term, elections took place in Iraq and Ryan Carpenter was interviewed! In our last talk together, you promised the following to our letterboxing readers if you were re-elected:

"I would demand approval of a research grant to create biodegradable plastic for use in letterboxing. This would insure rotation of new boxes into old areas, keeping the hobby alive and fresh, AND protect the environment . . ."

Do you plan to proceed with that campaign promise to all of our ecologically-minded readers? When will you introduce legislation to Congress to meet that pledge? Will there be a special name for these new, biodegradable plastic containers and when can we expect them to be on the shelves of our favorite stores?

Mr. Pepe,

First of all, thank you.

It is a wonderful opportunity on this day, President's Day, to participate in a second interview for your little friends. They're just so cute. And Laura thanks you as well. We've put their little artwork you sent up on the refrigerator in the White House kitchen. I believe that educating the children of today is quite important and all of your little friends should learn more about the presidency.

And while I'm on that topic, and to answer your question, please realize that the war on terror has been a costly one. We have had to sacrifice some pursuits in favor of others. So, though we haven't discontinued the idea of the biodegradable containers, we have had to put that on the backburner--likewise, some of the children in the "No Child Left Behind" effort. Their artwork has been returned to you.

No, Mr. President, those images on your refrigerator are not by young children! Those are my stamps that I've been carving over this past winter. Don't you like them?

Oh, well, yes, of course. I knew that. I was just kidding. I will say this, your artwork shows a caliper [sic] of talent that is rare in most functional adults, and I think they show a lot of potential. I’m truly amazed at what you can do with a grapefruit spoon and a hardened block of poo. I intend to share them with the NEA.

What are some of the innovations to which we may look forward to in a second term Bush presidency? Will there be any new improvements that might dazzle the letterboxing public?

The Bush Administration has already forced innovations upon the letterboxing community, causing a need to find new mediums to carve.

By now you may have seen a dearth of the pink Speedball carving medium. We have been sending it straight from the manufacturers to our men and women of the armed forces fighting for freedom in Iran. Or Iraq. We thought it important that our men and women of the armed forces had something enjoyable with which to pass the time while there. They have responded in an overwhelmingly positive manner as they patrol war-torn Iran. Or Iraq. When the war is over and peace is assured, regular distribution of Speedball will resume. So, if you would, please assure the Apple Dumping Gang and ask them to stop writing the protest letters and burning bras on the White House ellipse.

With the major accomplishment of your election to a second term, do you see yourself carving a new signature stamp? What image will grace your new stamp? Will you personally carve the stamp or leave that to one of your underlings?

I believe that the image I presented in my first term is one to which the nation has become used. Dick has assured me "the plastic, lifeless, comical impression, truly captures the personality of the sitting president." Since he told me that, it did cross my mind to carve myself standing, but duty calls, and my time is not my own. But, I would definitely carve it myself. It’s much too personal a thing to hire out. You know what I mean, right?

If you could change one thing in letterboxing, what would that be and why?

If I could change one thing? Mr. Pepe, I remind you that you are addressing the Commander in Chief. I can change anything I please. Except, perhaps, my haircut. Laura and Ohio like it this way, and as you may know, Ohio is very important to me.

But to answer your question, when I can fully focus my attention, I would . . .
what was the question?

Mr. President, I asked you "What one thing would you change in letterboxing, and why? "

I would institute a penalty for the placer if the letterbox is hidden so well it can not be found. There is nothing so disheartening as to go in pursuit of something and not be able to find it. And someone should be made to answer for that. At the top of my list is Mapsurfer—as soon as we can find him!

Do you see a more active role for the Bush family in boxing? Have you considered attending a gathering?

Laura and I will not be bringing the girls to any gathering. You may have already seen it in the press and, though we are disappointed, we must admit that Jenna has a habit of using another's stamp for her own. We're not sure why, but Jenna will claim another's identity in order to swing with the 'in' crowd. Twice now Jenna has posed as Turtle McQ—a suspected heavy drinker, figuring no one would know the difference. When it was found out she wasn't who she said she was, well…things got a little out of hand. She didn’t get as belligerent as Turtle McQ which was what gave her away.

So are you saying you are still having trouble with your daughters? Maybe you should have them spend a weekend with letterboxing's Lady Prisspott for some tips? She's a shining example of poise and perfect upbringing and could show your daughters a thing or two about decorum and manners.

Well, it’s funny you should mention Lady Prisspott. We had conducted some investigations into Prisspott’s finishing school, hoping the girls could attend and become cultured Prissteens. However, the results of the investigation were not promising. Recent clandestine photos reveal that when the students travel home on holiday, Prisspott tends to lounge on the divan in Tuesday’s underwear, eating string cheese and drinking wine from the bottle. We also did a background investigation and found the ‘Lady’ was born Hydrangea Hedge, raised in Hedgesville, W.V., shares a birthday with a despot, favorite color is blue, is the sibling of “Poison” Ivy Hedge, has an uncarded staff, leans toward gassy foods and married into the title of Lady.

It’s the blue that tipped the scale. We may still let Babs attend.

If you have no plans for anyone from your family to attend a gathering, how can we exchange and receive the First Signature Stamp? Don't you realize how coveted those images are?

Everyone who contributed to our recent successful campaign received my personal stamp image in the mail. Among those on the list crucial to my success are such notables as Funhog, Team Green Dragon, Kevin Onassis and the Reverend Aloysius Hoyden. They, of course, will enjoy tax breaks. But, I...uh… don’t see your name here on our list. And coveting is a sin.

Sue & I are going to be near Washington, D.C. during our vacation in June. Is it possible to stop by and exchange with you and Mrs. Bush? That would be a memorable visit for us.

Oh, gee, Mr. Pepe, I’m afraid I’ll, um, be busy then…yes, I, uh, have to … oh! National security stuff, you know. Veerrry top secret. I’m really sorry I won’t have the opportunity to meet you. I’ll be busy all that month.

Since presidents are limited to two terms, what do you see as your role once you leave the White House? Will you lobby for a particular candidate to serve as the next Republican Party nominee? Can you name names?

I will continue to use my notoriety to speak out against same-sex marriages. Studies show that one in ten of the population is homosexual. Of the remaining 90 percent, according to a recent report from the Commerce Department's Census Bureau, nearly 9-in-10 people are expected to marry sometime in their lives, but about 50 percent of those marriages may end in divorce. And it is my duty to protect that!

Speaking of marriages, the letterboxing world was recently privy to a wonderfully romantic wedding proposal on Valentine's Day by two letterboxers from southern CA. What was the most romantic thing you've ever done for the First Lady on Valentine's Day?

I had arranged a day of pampering for the First Lady—hair, nails, waxing, facial scrub, mud bath, massage, spa the whole thing. She told me that having an entire day away from me was the best thing she’d ever gotten and she’d like to have many more.

Well, Mr. President, I guess that about sums it up! I couldn't have written a better ending to this interview!

We thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule during this day to honor our Presidents - both past and present.

Please note:

This pseudo interview with President Bush was meant in good fun and does not express the political leanings of this blog's owner or the pseudo President [once again played eloquently by MD's own Poison Ivy! Is there an Interview Academy Award that we could grant Ivy?]

We hope that you enjoyed this page in the vein in which it was intended - for entertainment purposes, to poke fun at our community of Tupperware addicts and not to express any political ideas of any kind.
[Yeah, right!]





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